'TODAY'

So, after getting my last a1c, which was a lousy, 8.4% I have been cracking the whip on myself to do better.  While many keep reassuring me that it is just a number, I know that if I keep thinking that way I will end up with a ginormous number, and let's be honest, then it becomes a lot more than just a number.

I have been checking my blood sugar A LOT and by A LOT I mean at least 13-15 times a day. I am required by the Ontario Government (ADP) to check four times a day - it's a part of their regulations to fund my insulin pump, so let's just say Canadian Government, I am obeying the rules plus some.   Some might say I am obsessing and I won't deny it.  I scared the crap out of myself by getting back that awful blood work, and I promised myself that I would get it down.

Actually, I first promised myself I would just keep checking like mad every day and then realized, how many days are in a year and how many years I will likely have diabetes and I got really overwhelmed. So I have tried to reassure myself that just 'TODAY' I am checking like mad.  It's basically like the placebo way of getting me feeling better about my diabetes and life sentence that comes with it.

Checking a lot means a few things, better control, better understanding, more test strips all over the place and really seeing how carbs affect my blood sugar.    So, I will admit, my diabetes care comes in waves, and for most of the time I am guessing.  Guessing leads to tsunami blood sugars, if we are sticking with the ocean theme.   It means that I would look at something, guess the carbs, give myself insulin and carry on, most of the time without checking what my blood sugar was, because guessing was my thing.

Today when I was checking like mad, giving proper insulin dosages, and even giving insulin ahead of time to let it 'work' I noticed how I can easily keep my blood sugars in range without the awful spike.  I was also mainly eating low carb, as that is another thing I promised myself I would try 'TODAY'     All day I did an amazing job, if I do say so myself. By the time I got home, M and I built a bed frame [Mainly M did the work] and we didn't feel like cooking.  We just had some crackers and dip and those crackers spiked my blood sugar like no other.  I realized how insanely sensitive my body is to carbs. I began to wonder, was it always this way, but I didn't notice because I was guessing?  Who knows, but it makes me hate carbs. More of a love hate relationship, because who could hate a doughnut - not this girl.

Kayla