DBW: The Other Half of Diabetes

This topic screams out to me unlike no other.  Kind of like my mind when I am completely acting like a fool because of uncontrolled blood sugars.  I must admit right from the beginning of diagnosis I can recall 'rage' like moments where I totally lost control of my emotions and threw them at the people that I love.  Still, I have those same moments, all the while my mind {the part that has common sense} is shouting, "YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE."

I have gotten angry over someone asking me a basic question. I have slammed chairs, I have name called and I have completely shut out the people that love me.   I hate blaming diabetes for things, I really do, but the more I talk to others about these issues, the more I realize, I am not alone. I can only assume because this was a chosen topic for Diabetes Blog Week, that many others are dealing with mental stress.

Barbados 2015 - In my happy place 

I think that my family, friends and partner know that diabetes comes with the good, bad and ugly in regards to moods. But, I think that it is extremely difficult for them to understand why, especially for my partner M, who I have only been with for just shy of two years.  It's hard for me to explain my emotions, and when I am feeling defeated with it all, I tend to shut him out completely, making things uncomfortable for both him and I.   Diabetes doesn't always make sense to me, so how could it possibly make sense for someone who doesn't have diabetes, and has only known someone for two years with diabetes.

Recently M sent me a great article about managing anxiety/stress. While I feel like I may dip into those things every once and awhile, especially in relation to weather. [I need to live on a beach full of sunshine].  The article was pretty straight forward, and the gesture alone with great. Sometime it isn't as easy as taking a deep breath, but at this point, I'd try it all.   Deep breath, downward dog, glass of water, extra sleep, big smile and a hug.   Whatever it takes to keep my mood in balance just as well as my blood sugars.

I have recently tried, self talk. Simply asking myself, 'what is wrong?' 'what is bugging you?' 'what do you need right now?' 'is this urgent?' 'can you not say anything?' 'do you need to say those mean things and make everyone mad at you?' It doesn't always work. Sometimes I end up saying the things regardless or doing the actions I just told myself not to do, but there are times when it does work and I am much more pleasant to be around. I still think the best way to deal with it would to be live on a sunny beach, but that isn't as affordable as self talk.

My hope is that not only can I better control my mental stress due to my diabetes but also help my partner and family and friends better understand what I am dealing with and how hard I am trying to make things better.

Kayla