Thursday, March 31, 2011

Breaking the Routine


How boring would it be to live life in routine? To never take chances or opportunities? Living life without laughter, fun or excitement would be a life wasted. Diabetes has shown me just how great life can be.

Either way I have to poke my finger, test my blood sugar, give myself injections via pump or pen and count carbs. There is no getting out of that routine no matter how hard I try to prolong my site or delay my 2 hour blood checks after meals. Either way I am a twenty year old female living with diabetes - that was me yesterday, today and tomorrow.

So why not make diabetes more fun? Why just sit around and go through your daily diabetes routine without making the ride at least enjoyable. That has been my mission since literally day one - you can see from the very first note that I wrote I was determined to make diabetes fun and exciting.

In the past two years I have been given some amazing opportunities that everyone knows I didn't dare turn down. Last night I headed to the diabetes symposium to help run a booth for Connected in Motion. The only other booth I had run before was when I was raising money for Team KK in the halls of Fanshawe, so this was a great opportunity. I love talking to other diabetics and their families about diabetes and if I could run booths every single day I would!

In the past two years I have found a love for sharing my story with others and helping them find the path that I am travelling on because diabetes doesn't have to suck. With time, I really hope that I get more chances to speak about my life with diabetes, I believe in myself, so I know this time will come.

While at the booth I met a lot people that seemed unsure of the whole idea of being around other diabetics. In many ways I just wanted to take them out to event right away and show them how fun it can truly be and how much you can truly learn from one diabetic to another.

Kayla

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Goodnight Pump!


To anyone that is looking at getting a pump, the main con that I present them with is the fact that you have to sleep with the thing! It has to be one of the weirdest things to sleep with because no matter where you roll when you are sleeping, chances are that you are going to roll onto it. For me, I have tried various ways of dealing with this issue and I go through little phases of how I prefer to sleep with my pump.

When I was first diagnosed, Mitch who also has a pump told me to let the pump roam while I sleep - as in don't clip it on or put it in your pockets. That first night was horrible because I had the pump wrapped around my body. I started using my clip and clipped it to the top of my bottoms to prevent it from roaming around the bed and tying me up. I got so used to wearing it on a clip that in my sleep I would slide my pump back and forth as I rolled around.

Soon, I was putting my pump in my pocket - mainly because my small clip broke and I only had a ginormous big one that made my bottoms well, fall down. Putting it in my pocket was a little annoying because once you rolled on the side the pump was in it really hurt your leg and my technique of moving the pump in my sleep became difficult because I had to take the pump out of the right pocket and put it in the left and so on.

Lately I have been trying the roam thing again and it starts with being in my pocket. Basically it roams and anytime I feel a pull I just reach back and bring my pump over to my side. No matter what technique sleeping with the pump isn't going to be comfortable, but I do get good nights filled with sleep - so it's not THAT bad.

I have heard of several techniques including putting it under the pillow as you sleep - but something about that screams strangling hazard to me!

Kayla

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Type Two


Who is educating type 2 diabetics? Are type 2 diabetics being diagnosed and sent off on their own? Why do type 2 diabetics not even know what type of diabetes they have? What is going on?

I am not a type 2 diabetic, I am type 1 and the whole whose what type is a big to do in the diabetic community. Frankly, it comes from stereotypes, if I were to ask the average joe what a diabetic looks like some words might be like fat, old, obese, lazy etc. Well, I am none of those things, yet I hold the name diabetic.

When someone hears that a child with diagnosed with diabetes, their reactions are, "Oh, they must have ate a lot of candy!" or "Child Obesity, shame on the fast food industry." There are so many negative stereotypes connected to diabetes that it is disgusting; however, there are many other things that hold stereotypes in particular race, gender and religion.

My main concern is that type 2 diabetics have no clue what diabetes is all about. They seem to be given a pill thinking that will be the cure all and they are expected to control by diet and fitness. As much as I hate taking needles and wearing a pump, I cannot imagine trying to manage diabetes with a simple pill and lack of education.

Can you imagine? Being diagnosed with diabetes (the disease of fat and old people) and then given one single pill to take for the day. Yes, type 2's are producing some insulin, but what about those who aren't and don't even know that insulin is an option or know how insulin can help them.

Now, I don't usually talk about type 2 diabetes and I hate when people think that I have type 2 or try to tell me that I must because I am not a 'juvenile' however, as I listen to type 2's speak about their diabetes I wonder if they even know what they have?

At Clinton's hockey there is an older man has type 2 diabetes and last night he asked what I was doing when I was checking my sugar....wait, what? I don't know if he even checks his sugar or not, but the thought of me checking my sugar was a little foreign to him was alarming. He also insisted that I was cheating by taking insulin for my hot chocolate...that also confused me - does he not know that taking insulin is not cheating; rather, part of my life.

See, this man does take insulin, in fact he takes one injection of triple the amount of insulin I take a day. He eats horribly at the games and laughs it off by making the hand motions of a pen injection to his arm to me. It just makes me wonder if this man has any idea what diabetes is all about and if he really knows the complications it brings.

I know in my family my grandparents who are both type 2 are not so familiar with the disease. They had diabetes before I did and to this day I am constantly teaching them different things despite are differences in medication and treatment. My Grandma and Grandpa were not educated on eating habits, etc. they both rely on my knowledge to help control their diabetes.

Maybe there is something I don't know that is going on behind the scenes for type 2's. I don't like bashing type 2's because I know many people that have it. Even though type 1's have more fun (Haha!) we are all dealing with a handicap pancreas! We all deserve some education on the topic.

Kayla

Monday, March 28, 2011

I am Diabetic


Recently there was a poll on Facebook presumably started by a diabetic asking whether diabetics preferred to be called, "Diabetics" or "People with Diabetes" this really made me think because I just automatically call myself a diabetic. The issue isn't really as deep as it seems; however, many can contemplate on whether or not they feel that diabetes is a part of them or well, all of them.

We say things all the time that reflect the same kind of logic, I am a person who graduated from Fanshawe or I am a graduate of Fanshawe or I am a sister of Abby or I am a Sister. These are labels that we place on ourselves without thinking. These things are what makes us who we are and usually they come with time, I wasn't a 'Sister' until Abby was born etc.

Two years ago I was given the label diabetic and mainly that label was given to me by myself. Many doctor's just say, "This Patient has diabetes" but the majority of diabetics simply just call themselves by the label. Diabetes isn't just something we have, it is something we live.

148 people in the poll so far have said that they prefer to be called diabetic while 108 prefer to be called a person with diabetes. So, I guess there isn't really an outstanding number of people who feel that they prefer to be called, diabetic. For me, diabetic is all of me, it makes me who I am of course like mentioned before I am many other things as well.

Diabetes is a huge part of my life, it isn't a pill a take every single day and not worry about. It isn't something that I can go a day without thinking about or handling. Diabetes is a part of me and I am a diabetic.

Kayla

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Experience Behind My Belt


This Wednesday I will be running a booth with the help of two fellow Slipstreamers, Kirsten and Jenn R. I am really looking forward to this because unlike two years ago when I was sitting in the chairs listening to people talk about diabetes - just being diagnosed. I have my own booth to talk about my experiences with diabetes and Connected in Motion.

It's amazing how things can change is such little time. It blows my mind with all that I have gone through and accomplished. I have endless amounts of experience behind my belt now and now it's time to start sharing those experiences with other diabetics that are the very spot that I was in two years ago.

I love making change, and if I could meet every diabetic in the world and share with them my experiences and inspirations - I would. There is nothing in the world that I love more than helping other people and I cannot wait for my life to unfold and more opportunities to arise.

Kayla

Friday, March 18, 2011

Not One Thing


As children we are brought up to be just one thing. We are asked, "What do you want to be?" and we usually respond with, "A mom!" "A Princess" "A Firefighter" or "The Tooth Fairy!" We don't decide that we are going to be a mom and a princess or a tooth fairy that also fights fire. We simply just choose one thing. This mentality doesn't really change - we find ourselves picking courses in high school beyond the standardized ones that we think will help us figure out what we want to be. We are thrown off when we realize we are good at English, but really enjoy baking. We can never just choose one, yet we feel obliged too.

Soon we move to college, maybe University and get into a program that will lead us to what we decided we want to be and if it gets us there that's good, but we might change our minds and pick another path. But, has anyone really figured out that we can be many things not just one?

In the past two years - writing has been therapy for me and it has really helped me figure out just who I am. Mixed with many things I have discovered that I am more than what I have desired to be - a teacher. I can and will be so many different things because I am good at several things not just one. So is everyone else - we are all so talented at various things like the clerk that bags your groceries who draws incredible portraits or the CEO that plays the piano. We are all multi-talented and not meant to be just one thing.

Kayla

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Age Doesn't Matter


Thinking back to slipstream, I think one of the most common questions was, "when were you diagnosed?" Even on the paper that was stuck to the wall of all of our thoughts, input etc. Someone started a "When were you diagnosed?" poll.

I personally find it interesting to know when someone was diagnosed and I tend to ask the same question when I meet a diabetic. The age gap ranges from like three years of age to 40 - it's really amazing. It makes me realize despite all sharing the same disease - how diverse it truly can be.

For me, being diagnosed at age eighteen going on nineteen I felt that if there was ever a time to get type 1 diabetes it was a good time. I mean I was moving to London to live away from home and I was starting my first year of college, but hey! it was a fresh start to a whole new life.

At age eighteen I had experienced eighteen years of not ever having to poke myself or test my sugar. I never had to experience what it felt like being told you cannot have that or feeling like I was different from my peers. I can only imagine what a child must go through as a diabetic sitting at a kids birthday party (the mothers must be so nervous to approach the poor diabetic kid). I was never a 'diabetic kid' and I can only imagine the obstacles that a child faces when living with diabetes.

On Friday, Michelle asked me what would I rather, being diagnosed at eighteen or being diagnosed as a child? I wasn't sure if anyone had ever really asked me this directly; however, I had thought about it. Either it's all you have known your whole life or you got a little bit of a run at being 'normal' 'average' and then it was time to learn what it means to be diabetic.

I pretty much decided that I was okay with when I was diagnosed, but I wouldn't be to keen on being diagnosed at say, eleven to fourteen. It just seems like that is just a super inconvenient and fragile time to be diagnosed with the disease, but it happens and I know people it has happened to.

I continued this conversation with Mitch who was diagnosed at age four, completely different end of the spectrum. He really doesn't know any different and while I celebrated my two years at age twenty he celebrated his two years at age six. He more so spoke to the benefit of being diagnosed at this time rather than age. We now have better ways of managing diabetes, simpler, more convenient and less isolation happens. We have amazing support groups that are taking place on Facebook etc.

So, this made me think - for the potential diabetic whether that occurs at age four, eleven, eighteen or thirty-five...it's going to be a shock, a complete adjustment and there will be devastation and fear. However, with where we are in medicine and support, this isn't a bad time to be diagnosed because there is hope, treatment and the right to live a fun, active, inspirational life!

Kayla

Monday, March 14, 2011

What you don't know - doesn't matter?


Okay, how many diabetics believe that if you don't check your sugar than it's off the record; therefore, who will ever know? I am so like this, it seems that if I know I am definitely high than I am less likely to check to make it a fact because I don't want it to be a fact. We all know that our nurses and endos love to go through our numbers and make plans for us, but what we don't track doesn't count.

What a horrible message I am putting out and I know that it is important to check your sugar and I do check regularly about 4-7 times a day; however, sometimes you just rather not know how much you overindulged. After all you're feeling guilt eating the piece of cake just for the caloric index, let alone for what it did to your blood sugars!

Basically I believe that I am not the only one who feels like if we don't check now it doesn't count. We can just give ourselves a couple shots of insulin and maybe one more for good luck and check in an hour when we feel it will be more appropriate!

It's just a diabetics mentality right?

Kayla

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Two Years


Today is the big day - two years ago I had spent today sitting in a waiting room at my family doctors being told that I had diabetes by a supply doctor who didn't even know my name. He made calls while he swapped me in and out of the room and I was there until the lights went out in the waiting room.

I was in the room that was mostly meant for babies and their mothers - I remember reading the posters on the wall of how big your baby should be at specific points in their life. I had no idea that I was about to begin a crazy adventure unlike anything a poster could ever point out.

I was told despite having a sugar of 24 that I could drive home and pack my bags to be emitted to the hospital - I didn't even cry on the way home. I don't remember what I was thinking I simply went home and my mom had already began packing for me and was ready to drive me to the hospital.

In the emergency room I took a bed that I felt was more deserving to someone else. I was not sick, I was not dying, I did not need that bed. There were people so sick and frail lined up in the hallways and there I was sitting up right, feet dangling off the side of the bed, fully dressed in the clothes I had worn that day. I remember thinking, "I probably should have showered this morning" I didn't know I'd be seeing this many people.

My mom and dad sat beside with me most of the time and eventually Clinton came. I cannot remember how many times I asked, "is this like, serious?" Wow, did I not know anything or what? The doctors weren't too picky on watching me and they never even fed me at dinner, so my parents got me a sandwich from Tim Hortons. Maybe this is why I didn't think it was too serious?

I remember it was nearing midnight when Clinton was suggesting he let me rest (I was still in the E.R) My parents had already left and he had just sat bedside next to me as we laughed about the person beside us that was visiting a relative talking about all the spicy food you can get at Popeye's, "spicy chicken, spicy rice, spicy fries..." When he suggested leaving I instantly broke down. I did not want to be left alone.

Eventually I was taken to my room on the 8th floor (paediatrics) and for some reason they insisted on wheeling me in my bed when I clearly could have walked. I never met my roommate that night, but I heard her voice and was scared for some reason. Clinton eventually left with the nurses order and I didn't feel so alone with the nurse by my side.

Well it turned out that my roommate was a lovely 80 or so old woman and I stayed in that room for 4 days with her, often leaving to walk around (and getting in trouble for doing so!) I spent some time in the playroom watching t.v while the other kids played, after all I was eighteen, I could have been the playroom babysitter.

Those moments are so vivid in my mind and I know I must have wrote about them before. It feels like just yesterday, yet I cannot imagine my life without diabetes. It has become a part of me that will never and can never be erased. At times I wish that there was no such thing and wonder why me? what in the world did I do to deserve such a thing? But I know I did nothing wrong - diabetes isn't given to someone because they are a bad person.

Diabetes is something that I can handle. I can handle this disease and it is not taking over my life. I can control my diabetes as much as it requires my undivided attention most of the time. These past two years have been a roller coaster, but for the most part I have been riding a smooth ride.

I have been completely blessed and that is the first time I have ever said that. When I look back on these past two years I have grown so much and I have gained so much. I have felt what it feels like to be alive emotionally and physically. I am the best me that I can be because of this disease.

If this is what can happen in two years, I look forward to the many, many, many other years that are to come. I feel amazing and wouldn't trade my life for another any day. I am the most grateful today than I ever have been. I am grateful for being alive, healthy and loved.

Thank you to every single person who has entered my life with all intentions to be there for me, support me and inspire me. Thank you for giving me the strength and courage and the motivation to continue what I do. My blogs would have never been so impact-full and full of endless chapters if it wasn't for my dedicated readers.

Thank you for the best two years of my life.

Kayla

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Friendship


Throughout our lives we find people that we instantly connect with. We establish friendships at all different points in our lives and some of those friendships fade while others stick together. In my almost 21 years of living I have had many best friends and with that some have faded while others are still going strong.

Certain people play different roles in your life and just because something doesn't work out doesn't mean it was a waste of time. I have learned a lot from my past friendships. In the past two years I have met so many wonderful people and have established so many different relationships with people literally from all across Canada.

Connected in Motion has been a huge support system for me and as I reflect back on the past two years I can't even begin to explain how thankful I am for that group. The men and women I have met within that group are people that are extremely smart, talented, adventurous and experienced. They have so many great stories and are the nicest people I have ever met in my entire life.

Beyond Connected in Motion I have a great friendship with my friend Michelle. Everyone knows Michelle, I talk about her a lot and if you have been to any of the events she has been there too. She is honestly one of the most positive people in my life, she is always complimenting and encouraging me and I cannot have asked for a better best friend. I have known Michelle for almost 4 years now and she has always been a great friend, but after being diagnosed she really stepped up and showed how much of a unconditional friend she really is.

Of course my boyfriend Clinton has also been there from day one. He could have easily given up on me, but he has stuck by my side. We are a long distance couple - nearly 200 km away from each other, yet he is still able to be there for me when I need him even if that's a Skype video or phone call. When I look back on my notes I realize how great of a support he has been for me and a positive influence.

There are so many people that have been a part of my success as a diabetic. So many family members have truly been awesome and I know that I can turn to them for anything. I am such a lucky girl to have such a great support team.

Kayla

Friday, March 11, 2011

My Job

In two days it's the big two years. I am no longer an intern in this disease; rather, I am pretty experienced and ready to be considered a professional. On March 13th 2009, I was given the job of Lead Diabetes Specialist and although I was quite new at the position I handled it with dignity and pride.

My colleagues I met almost instantly after attending a meeting hosted by my head corporate chief, Chloe Steepe. She talked about all these other interns & professionals she knew and I knew instantly I was ready to take on the tasks that were about to be handed down to me.

I guess the job is a little crazy, the hours are ridiculous - who wants to work 24/7; however, the rewards are outstanding. I am given amazing opportunities, experiences and adventures that I don't think I would have been introduced to if I hadn't gotten the job in the first place.

Unlike any other job I can't think of anyone that makes me mad, you know that one person that does nothing or always call in sick and therefore you have to work? Nope, none of that! Every time I am around my colleagues they are ready to get down and dirty or follow the slipstream. What a great team!

The job is pretty selective - at least for now it is. So despite know one really applying for it, I am pretty lucky that I was given it. After all - it seems to have given me a lot more than I could have ever imagined.

Although there are no vacations or paid sick days, this job comes with benefits!

Kayla

Thursday, March 10, 2011

10 things I hate about Diabetes.


There are plenty of good things that diabetes has given me; however there are also plenty of annoying things I want to give back.

1. I want to give back having to change my site every three days or so, because despite it being only a fraction of time and I know I waste more time checking Facebook then changing sites - I don't like it!

2. Having to check my sugar every single time I eat! Come on! Like can't a woman just pick something out of the cupboard and eat it without having to check where her sugar's at!

3. Counting carbs, oh god. I don't know if anyone has ever seen the commercial with the girl doing a bunch of calculations in her head at the grocery store for a box of cereal.. well that's me on a daily basis just thinking of numbers and adding them.

4. Highs and Lows! Although sometimes these can be entertaining to others they aren't entertaining to me unless it's when I can't stop laughing - sometimes that little fit is funny. Anyways! I'd like to just be at a normal range forever - but of course that will never happen.

5. Endocrinologist appointments! The dreadful visit to the doctor to get told you need to tighten your blood sugar and you suck at managing a disease that they have never managed themselves!

6. All the stuff I have to carry around or at least I am supposed to carry around! I never thought that I would be that kid with the backpack full of medication & supplies.

7. Giving insulin! I know I am on a pump - but it's like checking my sugar - sometimes I just want to eat and pretend I can just eat this without doing a single thing. I feel like a robot.

8. Stupid pump, why do you always get in the way. You are a pain in the butt to sleep with and you always fall off my hip and swing into oncoming objects. I don't know how many times I said, "OH MY PUMP!" or felt smack against my knee and realized it was my dangling pancreas ready to escape.

9. I don't know if this is a true fact, but from slipstream it seems like a lot of people feel this way. I AM ALWAYS HUNGRY. No matter what I eat, I usually can eat more and more and more after. If this is part of being diabetic, then fine, if it isn't don't tell me... I'd rather believe it is.

10. Finally, diabetes is scary because there are so many complications and risks involved. People like to tell me about all the bad things that happened to people that had diabetes and I cannot erase that from my mind. I am constantly checking my toes making sure they are all there, and looking at my eyes in the mirror.

Diabetes is scary as much as I like to say I am happy I got it... clearly it's not the best thing in the world; however, it introduced me to the best people in the world, the best opportunities in the world and the best mind set in the world.


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

My Own Doctor


I didn't sign up for this diabetes thing. I didn't look what it meant to be diabetic and say, "gee, that looks like a good time...I cannot wait to experiences the highs and lows." No one chooses to have any illness, but when it is given to us we are expected to take care of ourselves and learn the ins and outs of what it means to be a part of that illness/disease.

When I was diagnosed almost two years ago - I had no clue what diabetes was. In fact I had an optional project to do about diabetes in Data Management and I choose not to do it. The only thing I really knew about the disease was that my Grandma and Grandpa had it and they were doing just fine - plus Grandma had a candy cupboard full of creme eggs and mini chocolate bars - how bad could it be?

Turns out that Grandma and Grandpa have type 2 diabetes which I soon found out was nothing like what I was just diagnosed with. Here I was an eighteen year old girl, graduated from high school ready to move on and go to college, diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I was ready to begin a new chapter of my life and of course the chapter wouldn't have been as exciting without being diagnosed with diabetes.

I had to become my own doctor for the first time in my life. I knew absolutely nothing about medicine and biology and frankly I had no where my pancreas was. A lot of people say to me that they would never be able to stick a needle in themselves, I think I would have said the same had someone asked me previous to being diagnosed, but when the nurse handed me a syringe full of insulin and asked me if I want to try - something inside me said yes.

From then on I was my own little doctor, adjusting my own basal and bolus and giving myself needles in my stomach. I had something that I knew so much about and that I could now tell people about. It was my own little doctor and with the help of all my assistance's I was on my way being a healthy diabetic.

Kayla




Monday, March 7, 2011

So what!


When I think back to life before diabetes, I can hardly remember what it felt like. I lived 18 years of my life eating whatever I wanted and doing whatever I wanted, yet I can hardly remember those days of feeling so care free. But, when I think of it, when are we ever so care free and not thinking about what we eat?

In class we are talking about eating disorders and other mental illness that are linked to it. Things like OCD and depression. We talked about how people with eating disorders are very much compulsive about what they eat and how much, counting calories and weighing their food, but hey! That's my life besides the whole anorexic & bulimia part...

I don't count calories, but I do count carbs, and I do it so often that I know off the top of my head how many carbs are in an apple, handful of chips and a cup of juice. I clearly know this isn't an eating disorder because it's a part of my life.

What is comes down to is I don't remember being carefree before diabetes because no one really is carefree about what they eat. So many people say to me, oh it must be hard not to eat candy or chocolate, but I can eat those things just as much as anyone else. Anyone can enjoy a slab of chocolate cake, but of course for anyone there are consequences whether that's because your allergic, your watching your weight or your diabetic. We all make choices about our food based on our personal belief of what that food might do to us.

When we are children we aren't counting carbs or measuring our food (unless we are diabetic children) we are eating lollipops by the dozen and taking regular trips to the candy store. But, there reaches a certain point when we suddenly want to know what we are eating and want to control how much.

As much as people like to say how hard it is for diabetics to choose what and what not to eat - it's really only a matter of personal beliefs and preferences. I am sure there are some hardcore people out there that are 10x more healthy and aware of their food than I am. Oh no! But I am diabetic! SO WHAT.

Just because I am diabetic doesn't make me healthier than anyone else because trust me I am eating those very things that you have labeled 'non-diabetic friendly.' I know how to handle these foods as far as insulin dosage and I am prepared to handle the ..."Opps! Guess that had more carbs than I thought!" moment.

Either way diabetics everywhere are eating brownies, drinking regular pop and refilling their plates with Chinese Food. It isn't our broken pancreas' that limit us it's our own minds. Everyone takes caution when eating and every now and then we splurge and take another bite - it's everyone's issue not just diabetics.

Kayla




Saturday, March 5, 2011

Blogging


I am pretty proud of myself for keeping my blog for so long, sometimes I pick a random day and reflect on it. I really think about how I must have felt at that time, how complicated it had seemed at the time and how I can recovered from it all.

This blog means a lot to me and I know that it has been helpful to a lot of people from all the comments/messages I get from people. I love being able to give back because before diabetes I really didn't feel like I gave back much.

Diabetes has allowed me to speak about something, to reflect about something and not be ashamed. We are all interesting people, diabetes or not, but most people don't feel this way. I didn't feel this way before I was diagnosed - I didn't think that what I was doing was important, but really I did not do that much.

I have so many stories now to share and each day it gets better and better. I am always thinking of new things to do, see and try. There are so many things out there that are enjoyed by others that many of us miss out on.

Being able to reflect and share these things allows me to get even more out of the experiences. Reflecting these past two years has been awesome and I am glad that I decided to do this and will commit to doing it for hopefully the rest of my life.

I am glad I have a crowd to enjoy my writing and to share my stories with.

Kayla

Friday, March 4, 2011

For Life


I often look at my pump, the tube that runs into my stomach, the white site that sticks to my belly and think, "Wow I have to have this for life" and if not the pump the needles, for life. At this moment I wonder how I am dealing with this, how can I accept something for life.

I didn't make the choice to have diabetes, yet I have to have it for life. I think the best way I go about it, is take it one day at a time. Having the pump for one day doesn't seem bad, and then one day turns into a month, then turns into a full year. Instead of thinking, I am going to have this on my Wedding day, I am going to have this when I have kids, I am going to have this when I have my career etc. I think I am going to get by this day.

Diabetes has become a huge part of my life and I really don't go a day without thinking about it - because you can't. I believe many people think that I never stop talking about diabetes, this isn't true, often I don't talk about it, but it is constantly on my mind.

Next weekend, I have had diabetes for two years and I really want to take the next week to reflect and I am looking forward to sharing it with everyone.

Kayla