Frustration

As everyone can imagine it can be a little strange having to constantly wear a 'pager' like object on you at all times. To make it a little stranger the 'pager' has a tube that connects to your stomach. Sometimes I look down and think, "wow, this is weird..." I am sure people look at me sometimes and wonder what it is and what it does. I wish I could let them know sometimes, because chances are they would ask if they knew how open I was about it.

I amaze myself about how accepting of it I am myself. I can get so angry over the smallest things, but when it comes to my diabetes for some reason I can suck it up and move on. Last night as I was rolling around in bed trying to get to sleep I had to keep adjusting my pump that was clipped to the top of my pajamas. I usually do this since if I roll onto my side I have to make sure I am not lying on my pump (for comfort reasons) and visa versa.

For a quick second I was frustrated - I wanted to rip it off and just sleep, but I quickly calmed myself and adjusted. As much as I love it - I hate it. It's a love hate relationship, but it's really hard to hate something that saves your life every day.

Sometimes it is nice to see it off me. Like after I get out of the shower, sometimes I don't re clip it until it's been nearly an hour just to give myself a break. I barely take any basal insulin an hour so it's safe. I just feel like me a little more without it.

Kayla